Here's a fun one.
Yesterday morning I was going about my business when I was compelled to engage in a bit of masturbation. No need for details, albeit to say it was quite a session. The deed done, I had a moment's time to stop the video file and catch my breath when there was a knock at the door. Quickly I pulled up my shorts and pulled open the door to reveal a very tall, animated man standing in the hall.
This marionette of a man seemed to bend at every point of articulation that his frame allowed, and felt that it was his duty to inform me that AT&T was in the area installing fiber optics (do you know what that is? he asked me) in the area and offered to sell me all sorts of elitist Internet speeds and AT&T U-Verse. I already have AT&T home phone/DSL service and cellphone service, and frankly, they kinda suck. I told him I wasn't interested. But he kept on.
"I want to save you money," he said. "I can get all these HD channels," he said, bending at the knees and elbows as if being puppeteered by a spastic child.
So much for an afterglow.
I asked him for a brochure and he wrote his number on it and I said I'd call if I was interested and closed the door and promptly threw the brochure in the trash.
I wish that this were all to my tale but alas, there is more. Just a few short hours ago, I was yet again compelled to engage in a bit of masturbation. And this time, dear reader, no sooner had my seed hit the floor when again came a knock at the door! Who could it be this time, I thought as I hastened to pull up my pants and hide all videographic evidence of my foul deed, all the while panting and quite frustrated.
There at the door was the same marionette. No shit.
"I'm with AT&T," he said.
"No kidding," I said. "You were just here yesterday," I said. *pant pant*
"I was wondering if you had a chance to look at the brochure I gave you."
I lost it.
"NO! I said I'd call if I was interested! What the hell, man! I'm NOT interested! In fact, I threw the brochure away. Jesus!" and I closed the door in his face.....and finally had a moment to relax and catch my breath.
I swear, it's not like he knocked at the same time both days. Here's to hoping nothing happens tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next day. Or the day after that...
